Expelled from Hogwarts

I think I may have mentioned once or twice that these damn plantar warts have been plaguing me all year long now. The one on my right foot showed up in January and the one on my left joined the party in September, just in time for the Tunnel Light Marathon. They hurt the most first thing in the morning, or when I’m barefoot. They haven’t prevented me from running but I do feel it on a run (especially trail running) and I’m assuming they’re the reason my pace has slowed so much this year. Lots of people have shared what worked for them, Dr Google had plenty of suggestions, and my own doctor treated them in September, but nothing has been working at all. This week they got so painful I could barely walk. I’m usually pretty tough about pain but it feels like there’s a thumbtack stuck in the bottom of each foot and every step jams it in deeper. Not awesome. In fact, totally demoralizing. I’m feeling like the biggest wuss for being so completely taken down by something that seems so minor. I had a ten pound baby, for God’s sake!

So today I finally made it back to the doctor. It took me so long because everyone said they can take a long time to go away, and they occasionally seemed to be getting better, then they’d be getting worse, then better, then worse, then a little better, then a lot worse. (Fun fact: The Myth of Sisyphus is actually about a plantar wart.)* My regular doctor was out of town so I saw someone else, and after I filled her in on everything I’d tried she said, “Those remedies usually work pretty well so let’s have a look.” I took my socks off, she took one look at my feet and shouted, “WHOA!!” Then she kind of laughed and said, “Yeah, those aren’t going away with anything over the counter.” Weird as this may sound, that was incredibly gratifying to hear, because everyone has been telling me that these are minor, and that they go away easily, and it’s like I’m being gaslighted by my own feet.

She blasted them with liquid nitrogen, which was kind of cool to watch. She said if we do this every two weeks they should be gone after three or four treatments. My appointments are scheduled and I feel a lot better about all of it. The doctor was surprised I could even walk so I sure don’t feel bad about a personal worst half marathon on these feet. Get lost, 2016, and take the damn warts with you when you go.


*I’m assuming.